Reason #652 Why Dating Is Rough: The Bad Boy

Let's see, what do I know about you so far? You're a jerk. You're opinionated, wildly arrogant, just a hair creepy, I suspect disrespectful, and who knows? If I date you for any length of time, perhaps I will find myself cut up into little pieces and stored in your freezer.

(I'm sorry, but that last one is just a baseline assumption that is necessary for anyone one meets on the internet.)

If you were only those things, it would be so easy to just walk away. And by walking away, I mean clicking on the icon that sends you a pre-drafted Dear John email, letting you down ever so gently.

After all, you do realize, don't you, that you are stealing time away from the SEVENTY THREE other men who have thrown their names in the Khop Ring in the ten days since I've burst onto the Charm City internet dating scene? Of course you do. You wouldn't have it any other way.

For research purposes, I googled the question, "Why do women like bad boys?" and came up with this hit on "Self Growth.com". And even though the dude who wrote the article is trying to sell me a five-part mini-course on flirting with women, I have to admit, he's not all that far off.

How so?

Challenging and Adventurous? Check, aaaaand Check! You've got my attention, partially because I know that at any moment I could lose yours. This is interesting to me, as while I suck at actual chess, I quite enjoy a mental game of it. You take liberties with me in our conversations, pushing the limit of what's appropriate. You're cognizant that you've walked right out on a limb, and you're interested to see if and at what point that branch will break, landing you flat on your ass and at square one with someone else. Why are you not concerned about that happening?

well......

Confidence and Indifference? Check! Check! Your online profile gives a veritable middle finger to the main stream, and based on my preliminary observations, this is fairly reflective of how you live your life. You're not terribly fussed if I throw up my hands and you see the back of me walking away. In fact, in the event that happens, you'll have already convinced yourself that it must be due to a character flaw in me, not you, God's gift to women.

My friends and loved ones are undoubtedly reading this, shaking their heads and thinking, "Please, Khop, not again. We've done this with you before. Please settle down with a perfectly nice, perfectly bland boy. She's got all these choices, and who does she gravitate to? The jerk off."

Come on, give me a little credit.

First off, I'm giving good playing time to the others in the que, lining them up and spitting them out as fast as one who has a full time job, several hobbies and other social commitments can. In fact, I have two dates on the books, three pending, and the other night I had "drinks" (see, I'm learning!) with a perfectly nice gentleman, who unfortunately turned out to have a very elitist world view, not to mention slightly crossed eyes.

[Note to cross-eyed men out there: I beg of you. Schedule an activity for the first date: bowling, skeet shooting, cow-tipping, anything, so that I'm not sitting across a table from you for two hours, having the mental dialogue, "Sweet Jesus, this guy has crossed eyes. Don't stare. Wait, you need to make eye contact. Do I have eye contact? I'm not sure. Crap, what'd he just say??"]

Second, employing Stephen Covey's highly effective Habit #5, "Seek First to Understand", I'm in the information-gathering phase here, trying to assess what I'll find once I peel back the layers of this bad boy's onion. Is there depth and kindness there? Do we want the same things out of life and relationships? How similar are our values? Or, at the end of the day, is he just your run-of-the-mill, garden-variety asshole? I think it's fair to say that I've demonstrated that when the answers come back negative on those big questions, I politely turn and look elsewhere. I just can't bring myself to give up the hope that I can find someone who wants the same things I do and will treat me the way I deserve to be treated, while at the same time catching my interest in a manner that I can only describe as intellectual catnip. In essence, I'm rooting for Bad Boy, but I'm not afraid to cut him from the team if he's not up to par.

Besides. Thus far, he's given no indication that he's poly-amorous. Sadly, given his recent competitors, that puts him far in the lead.

Just call me Sookie,

khop