Internet dating has been on the back burner. Simply put, I cannot be bothered. Dating in general and internet dating in specific requires a certain amount of fresh-faced, bright eyed and bushy tailed optimism, lest you come across as one of those jaded, life-weary, angry types. And every once in awhile enough becomes enough, and even the most good-natured, happy go lucky dating warrior runs low on the mental energy required for another turn up to bat. Any coach worth his salt will bench an exhausted athlete to allow for “strategic disengagement”, but in the sport that is dating, I am my own coach. Thus, this charm city newbie has hidden her profile for a bit and in the cold winter months is choosing the company of her TiVo, her cat (now where have I heard that phrase before?) and real life opportunities as opposed to another wink and a plate of overcooked chicken at Baltimore’s newest trendy bad restaurant.
Have I declared a strike? No, no, that sounds so hostile. More like an indefinite Match Mancation. Wouldn’t it be nice if I went all “The Weather Is Here, I Wish You Were Beautiful” and never came back?
As relaxing as this is, it has posed a problem, though, the problem of writing material. While I can get away with a post or two about Boeuf Bourguignonne every once in awhile, let’s face it. Yes, it is heavenly to motor through a plate of the stuff; however, you and I both know it’s not why you tune into this particular blog. No, no, you tune in because God Almighty you love a good old fashion train wreck. And I ask you, reader, what’s a better wreck of said train than my ass expanding due to a chronic case of datis interwebis horrificus? I’ve been half-tempted to take the profile for a spin just to have something to write about, but this seemed wrong. Horridly, karmically, God will afflict me with the world’s largest impacted colon as punishment wrong.
Besides, it’s too damn cold out. And did I mention real life?
Back to the problem of writing material. Lucky for me, a Baader Meinhof happened recently when in the span of a day or so the concept of “Back Burner” relationships came up as a trending topic of conversation. Seems as though everyone’s got a thought or two on them. More interestingly, everyone’s got a different place for them in their dating line up. These conversations struck a cord with me, as I’ll admit to at times having as active a back burner as the next gal. Moreover, I am acutely aware of situations where I have been the person on someone else’s back burner. And all this interests me. So for a series of upcoming posts, I decided to put the tens of thousands of dollars my parents spent on my science degree to good use. I canvased some friends via email, collected data on the subject and have been trying to tease out trends (or as my former boss would creepily say “massage the data”). I’m comparing it with my own observations and attempting to write it all up. Probably not what my faculty advisor envisioned all those years ago, but really. What has he done for me lately?
I’ve been working on this topic for nearly a month now, and I sense a few folks getting impatient, as more than one person shot me a “what’s this piece of crap?”-type email upon reading the nickname post. My humble apologies. Turns out that the back burner has a little more meat on its bones than I anticipated, and I’ve been spending quite a bit of time scratching my head and staring at it, circling it, kicking it, and wondering if I should throw good judgement out the window and brazenly forage ahead or disappear into the night and pretend this topic never existed.
Much like inviting two dozen people over for a sit down dinner of Boeuf Bourguignonne.
Why do I do these kinds of things to myself???
Upon hearing I was having so much difficulty, my vertically gifted West Coast readership suggested that I calm the $%^& down and break this topic into a series of posts. (BTW, way to use those Wharton management skillz to get some productivity out of me. That degree just paid for itself...) What a great idea. So in a rare display of common sense, I’ve decided to simplify, to eat this elephant one bite at a time. Thus, back burner musings will be coming to you piecemeal.
And the Boeuf Bourguignonne will be a buffet.
By the way, to the freeloading jerks who are reading this now but never shot me a reply, thanks, you know, for being so supportive of my dream and stuff. Duly noted. Now would be a terrific time to send me some thoughts. Just sayin’.....
Firing up the stove,
khop
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